How Do We Live And Lead From Self?

My purpose as a coach is to help clients become the purposeful, self-actualized leaders they are capable of becoming. Full stop. It’s what matters most. That means being their thought partner, confidential collaborator, and supporter to get them to their highest potential of leadership.

We lock arms and navigate their way to the promised land of Self-Leadership. That luminous space where they feel strong, secure, and seen.

Over the past few months, I’ve been deep on my learning focus for 2025 - Internal Family Systems. Some of you might have read or heard about IFS, or experienced it within a counselling/therapy environment. Recently, the natural connections between IFS and the world of leadership coaching have fused. I’ve just completed my program to become an IFS-Informed Coach and am starting to integrate IFS practices and principles into my client work…which is mildly scary, always exhilarating and beyond my expectations already!

Without hyperbole or drama, this has been my most powerful learning experience since I started my coaching journey. I worked alongside the most amazing and fascinating coaches from around the world, sharing our a-ha moments, our holy shit moments, and our profound appreciation for what IFS will bring to our practices. 

The connection I want to share with you is the core of the IFS world - the concept of Self-Leadership. When we lead from that space where Self (the capitalization matters here) is at the wheel and calling the shots, we feel a sense of wholeness, understanding, and purpose. While Parts of us are constantly tugging at us and trying to hijack the program, we want to return to Self to find ourselves…and thus find the way forward. Because Self is the unassailable, undefeated and untouchable element in our lives and leadership.

So how do we solve this puzzle of Self-Leadership? What are the secret ingredients that make the magic formula of being the fully-expressed leader we choose to be? 

IFS nails it to the wall with stunning simplicity with the 8 C’s:

Calm: Leading from that state of inner composure and centredness, even when the harshest winds are blowing.

Curiosity: Holding a space of openness and a desire to understand, without judgment and getting furious.

Clarity: Having the sharpness and resolve to see things objectively and understand situations with a clear mind and eyes, despite the fog around you.

Compassion: Living and leading with care, empathy and understanding, no matter the circumstance.

Confidence: A deep state of self-assurance and self-regard when we feel that trust in our competence and wisdom.

Courage: Leaning into the discomfort to take risks, face challenges, have difficult conversations; speaking up for what is just and right, even when it feels overwhelming.

Creativity: The capacity to generate innovative ideas, approach problems with fresh thinking, and amplify the great ideas of others.

Connectedness: A palpable sense of being grounded, feet-on-the-floor, and able to be in the moment with total purpose.

That’s alot! And maybe this is the most powerful distillation of what great leadership looks like I’ve ever seen.

But Self-Leadership is no breezy stroll. It’s constantly under threat from forces within and around us. 

We wrestle with the sense of being off-course. We battle low levels of fulfillment and high density of fog in our work lives. We struggle to find a few next steps to make any of it better. We can sense our desires and ambitions that are trying to spark, yet we can’t convert the sparks into energy.

Finding Self-Leadership is our life’s work. By coming home to Self and leading through the 8 C’s, we find ourselves and thus our purpose. We get back to that space of being most in service to others.

I offer the 8 C’s as the ultimate post-it note to leave on the corner of your monitor. Looking at them multiple times a day is a frictionless way to get back on track.

And when the chunks in the peanut butter of your leadership are especially gnarly and chewy, here are three questions you can ask yourself to get back to Self.

“Which of the 8 Cs is easiest for me to access right now?”

When we feel lost and pulled apart, maybe none of the 8 C’s feel present or in reach. But if we pause, breathe, and reflect for a moment, we often find one…sitting right there on a nice low shelf as you open the cupboard of yourself. Oddly enough, if we bring one of the C’s to the forefront and start there, the others will often follow, just like little kids holding the rope on a daycare walk through the neighbourhood. They want to show up as long as someone is leading the way.

“Which of the 8 C’s is today’s situation calling for?”

Leadership challenges are ever changing…a daily blueplate special of problems and predicaments. That drives the imperative for being situational and pliable as a leader. As you look at today’s special, take the moment to think about which C is the best next move. Sometimes we need to tap into our Confidence and rediscover our self-regard and belief. Sometimes we need to find that thread of Compassion to better understand where someone is coming from. Sometimes we need to get Connected by finding our heart and moving forward from there.

“Which of the 8 C’s usually serves me well?”

We all have our leadership money moves; for me, it’s typically Courage. There are few situations where I don’t need a little boost of it to get through a storm. For you, what’s your go-to C that rarely doesn’t help make things better? Knowing that one special move is often all we need to make the difference.