Yes - It All Makes Sense

Like a tasty handful of Bits and Bites, every coaching conversation is a whole new ball game. 

(There are probably only a few people reading who get this old Canadian pop culture reference, but if you do, thanks for laughing with me).

So ask me what’s the most common thing that happens in these conversations, and I’ll tell you this.

In pretty much every session, a client will do some exploration and reflection around a question I’ve asked them or a problem we’re trying to solve. They will share some feelings, perspectives, challenges, and initial desired actions or declarations that they want to carry forward. Then comes the inevitable pause and they say:

“Does that make sense?”

I always show a small, wry smile and respond with the same line:

“It all makes sense.”

While I do have a relatively healthy sarcastic thread that runs through my system, I offer this without any drippings of irony. 

Because it truly all does make sense.

Coaching is a process of sensemaking. It’s a practice and sacred space that encourages us to put out ideas, explore the outer and sometimes uncomfortable reaches of our thoughts and intuition, and incrementally stitch it all together into a cohesive thought or plan. We do this in a dialogical way, with the exchange of reflection and refinement edging us closer and closer to the a-ha moment that seemed elusive at the start and then seems wildly obvious at the end. 

Recently, this “does this make sense?” thing has been rolling around in my brain. What I’m so curious about is what drives this almost autonomic phrase from so many people? 

I have no hard science here, but my gut and experience in thousands of hours in coaching leads me to believe there are three sources:

We Seek Validation

When we put our ideas out to others, the first thing we’re looking for is a vote of confidence. We crave that shot in the arm that comes from affirmation and up-vote from others. While this typically provides little tangible value in making the ideas better, it just feels good. It’s a short term fix that gets us through to the next challenging moment.

We Seek Protection

Putting our thoughts out there for others to see (even in the context of a confidential coaching conversation) can lead us to seeking some shelter. There’s an exposure and vulnerability that can be unsettling. When we ask if something we’ve offered makes sense, we can retreat and change course without harsh repercussions or too much judgement. We then apologize in some way (“I don’t know what I was thinking” or “I thought it was a bit of nonsense”) and move on. We disregard our own thinking and intuition, and that’s such a massive shame.

We Seek Navigation

We’ve made the first move by putting our thoughts out there, but we’re not sure what comes next. We’re looking for the trail marker for the next best move or words to say, and we lean on the other person to provide that direction. We’re waiting for them to build on our idea or call out the direction we should follow. While there is a good collaborative spirit going on that we can harness, it can be a bit of a short cut on the trail to a great idea.

It’s ok to not feel fully confident when we put out a bold idea or new thinking. And, at the same time, we shouldn’t kneecap ourselves by pulling the “does this make sense” cord so early that we deny ourselves the learning to come, the belief in our own self-generated insights, and our allyship with our own feelings and views.

So, it does all make sense. That’s what I’m here to help you see. Step by step, conversation by conversation, thought by thought. 

Here’s a few affirmations I offer that you can turn to when you feel this phrase rising to your lips to help you build your way forward and be a self-led learner and leader:

“I don’t need to protect my ideas by questioning myself.”

“I will find the next best step if I keep working on it.”

“It might take me some time to get this right.”

“I’m not sure what’s next, and that’s ok right now.”

Ultimately, coaching is about trusting the sensemaking process rather than rushing toward validation or safety. By replacing the habit of questioning your own clarity with patient self-affirmation, you allow your intuition to guide you through the fog and toward the transformative insights that live inside you.